On a Tuesday, about 4 months ago, I was at this hole-in-the-wall bagel place, the kind where the owner knows everyone’s order and the coffee tastes like motor oil, but you keep going back anyway. Guy behind the counter is going off to some regular about how Google is “rigged” because the mediocre chain store that opened across the street shows up first in search results.
I almost choked on my everything bagel. Dude’s been slinging the best bagels in town for two decades, but he thinks Google cares about his tenure.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally get it. Running a business is hard enough without having to become a digital marketing expert. But ignoring your Google Business Profile (what used to be Google My Business before Google decided to rebrand it for the millionth time) is like refusing to put a sign on your storefront because you think word-of-mouth should be enough.
So What Exactly Is This Google Business Profile Thing?
It’s that box on the right side when you Google a business. You know, the one with the map, hours, phone number, and those reviews that either make you feel like a hero or want to crawl under a rock.
But wait, it gets weirder. Sometimes it shows up as a “knowledge panel,” sometimes it’s in the local 3-pack (those three businesses that show up with the map), and sometimes… Actually, I still don’t fully understand Google’s logic here. I’ve been doing this for years, and Google still surprises me with where they decide to show this stuff.
What I do know: 46% of Google searches have local intent. I didn’t believe this stat when I first heard it either; it seemed too high. Then I started paying attention to my own searches. “Thai food near me.” “Where’s the closest DMV?” “Emergency dentist open Sunday.” Shit, even “weather” is technically a local search.
For multi-location businesses? Good luck. Each location needs its own profile, and they all need to be managed separately, and Google will randomly decide to merge them or create duplicates just to keep you on your toes.
Getting Started Without Losing Your Mind
The Claim Game
First, check if Google has already created a profile for your business. They do this. Without asking. Using whatever random information they scraped from… somewhere. I once found a client’s GBP showing they sold “artisanal toilet seats” because Google misread their actual service (artisanal toffee sweets).
The bagel guy I mentioned? His profile had been created by Google three years ago. Listed him as “permanently closed” with a photo of the dumpster out back as the main image. No wonder the chain store was winning.
To claim it, you go through Google Maps or the Business Profile site. Sometimes you’ll discover your ex-business partner is the owner. Or that marketing intern from 2019 who used their personal email. Fun times.
Actually, let me save you some grief: if you have more than 10 locations, just go straight to bulk verification. Don’t try to do them one by one unless you enjoy repetitive tasks and have a lot of free time.
Verification Hell
Google will want to verify you own the business. They used to just mail you a postcard, which was annoying but straightforward. Now they’ve got:
- Phone calls (but only if they feel like it)
- Email (again, mood dependent)
- Video verification (yes, really)
- Live video calls (I’m not making this up)
- The classic postcard (still takes 2 weeks)
My favorite was when Google asked a funeral home to do a “live video call verification” during business hours. Think about that for a second.
Making Your Profile Not Suck
NAP Consistency
Your Name, Address, Phone number need to be EXACTLY the same everywhere. Not similar. Not close enough. Exactly the same.
I know this sounds anal-retentive, but I learned this the hard way with a veterinary clinic. They were “Paws & Claws Animal Hospital” on their website, “Paws and Claws Animal Hospital” on their GBP (spelled out “and”), and “Paws & Claws Animal Hospital LLC” on Yelp.
Google’s response? “These are clearly three different businesses.” Their local rankings tanked.
Even worse was the jewelry store that used “Suite 100” on some listings and “#100” on others. Same location, same business, but Google treated them as competitors. The owner was essentially competing against himself for rankings.
The Category Conundrum
The primary category is crucial. But Google’s category options are… special.
You can be a “Women’s clothing store” but not a “Women’s boutique.” You can be a “Plumber” but not an “Emergency Plumber” (that’s what the description is for, apparently). There’s a category for “Oxygen cocktail spot,” but not for “Vintage clothing store.”
I spent 20 minutes once trying to find the right category for a business that sold and installed custom closets. “Furniture store”? Nope. “Carpenter”? Not really. “Home improvement store”? Too broad. Ended up with “Cabinet maker,” which isn’t quite right, but whatever, close enough.
Pro tip I probably shouldn’t share: Sometimes your competitor’s primary category ranks better than the “correct” one. Test it. Google won’t admit this, but their algorithm has favorites.
Google Posts
These are like social media posts, but they show up in your search results. Most businesses either ignore them completely or use them wrong.
Wrong: “We’re the best pizza in town! Family owned since 1987! We use only the freshest ingredients!”
Right: “Large pizza + 2 liter soda = $12.99 this weekend only. Order now: [link]”
See the difference? One is corporate BS, the other is an actual reason to click.
Oh, and they expire after 7 days (except events, which last until the event date). Google doesn’t tell you this clearly. I had a client advertising their “Halloween Special” until February because nobody told them posts don’t auto-delete.
The Photo Situation
Your photos matter more than you think. But here’s the catch: you don’t have full control.
Sure, you can upload your professional photos showing your restaurant’s romantic ambiance. But then Karen uploads a blurry photo of her half-eaten chicken parm, and Google decides THAT should be your cover photo. Because algorithms.
I watched a high-end steakhouse slowly die inside as customer photos of their bathroom became more prominent than their food photos. The bathroom was nice! But still.
Video works great though. One boring Tuesday, I convinced a skeptical locksmith to upload a 30-second video of him picking a lock. Views went up 400%. Sometimes the simple stuff works.
Reviews: Everyone’s Favorite Topic
You need reviews. But asking for them is awkward. Not asking for them is foolish. It’s a weird dance.
What works: “If you’re happy with our service, we’d appreciate a Google review. Here’s a card with the direct link.”
What doesn’t work: “PLEASE GIVE US 5 STARS OR MY MANAGER WILL FIRE ME!!!” (Yes, I’ve seen this. Multiple times.)
The real kicker? Responding to reviews matters almost as much as getting them. A carpet cleaning company I worked with turned their business around by responding thoughtfully to a brutal one-star review. The owner admitted they messed up, explained the changes they made, and offered to re-clean for free. That response got them three new customers who specifically mentioned it.
But please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t respond to every 5-star review with “Thanks for the great review!” Mix it up. Be human. Reference something specific they mentioned. Or just respond to the interesting ones and leave some alone. Nobody’s reading all your responses anyway… wait, actually, some people do. Those people are weird, but they’re often your best customers.
The Advanced Stuff That Actually Moves the Needle
Attributes and Features
Google keeps adding random features. Menu links, online appointments, “identifies as women-owned,” “has gender-neutral restrooms,” “popular for birthday parties.”
Half of these do nothing. The other half is secretly important. Good luck figuring out which is which.
The appointment booking feature, when it works, is gold. I’ve seen massage therapists double their bookings just by enabling it. But it only works with certain booking systems, and Google changes which ones they support roughly every full moon.
Q&A Section
Anyone can ask questions on your profile. Anyone can answer them. Including your competitors. Or that customer you had to ban for bringing their emotional support peacock.
I found a question on a bar’s profile: “Do you serve food?”
The answer, from a random user: “No, but there’s a great Thai place next door!”
Plot twist: The person answering owned the Thai place.
Monitor this section. Seriously. The misinformation spread here is wild.
Multi-Location Madness
Managing multiple locations is where things get really fun. And by fun, I mean “considering a career change.”
Each location needs unique content. But they also need brand consistency. But not too much consistency, or Google thinks they’re duplicates. But enough consistency that customers recognize your brand.
I worked with a chain of urgent care centers. 47 locations. Each one needed its own GBP. Google helpfully created about 15 duplicates, merged 6 locations that were miles apart, and insisted that one location was actually a veterinary clinic.
Took three months to sort out. The client aged five years. I started drinking more coffee. Good times.
Actually Measuring This Mess
Everyone wants to know ROI. Fair question. Annoying to answer.
GBP gives you some data. Searches, views, clicks, calls. But it’s… optimistic. Google counts things weird. A “view” might be someone scrolling past your listing at 2 am while drunk-searching for pizza. A “website click” might be a bot. Who knows?
Add UTM parameters to your website link. Track phone calls separately. Use a dedicated phone number if you’re really serious. Or just accept that digital marketing attribution is part science, part art, part witchcraft.
Let’s Get Real for a Second
That bagel shop owner I mentioned? I ended up helping him fix his GBP. Not because I’m some saint, but because wrong information bothers me, and his bagels are genuinely fantastic.
Took about two hours total. Fixed his hours, added photos (including one of him making bagels at 4 am, for authenticity), responded to some reviews, and wrote a description that actually mentioned “bagels” more than once.
Two months later, he’s on the first page for “bagels near me.” The chain store is still there, still mediocre, but now people can actually find the good stuff.
Is he tracking ROI and optimizing his CTR? Hell no. He’s making bagels. But customers can find him now, and that’s what actually matters.
Your Google Business Profile isn’t some magical solution to all your business problems. But in a world where everyone’s first instinct is to pull out their phone and search, being invisible on Google is basically business suicide.
So claim your profile. Upload some decent photos. Fill out the information. Respond to reviews like a human being. It’s not rocket science, but it’s also not optional anymore.
Your customers are searching. Make sure they can find you. Even if your coffee does taste like motor oil.