Social Media

I am sorry in advance, but I have to be honest about how local businesses have the social media strategy of a drunk teenager at prom. They’re posting random things, hoping something sticks, while wondering why their competitor’s terrible pizza gets more likes than their good food. The problem isn’t your content. It’s that you’re […]

Have you seen that plumber that become famous on TikTok for unclogging toilets while ranting about cryptocurrency? His profile blew up not because it made sense. Because it didn’t. His followers couldn’t look away from the chaos of watching someone snake a drain while explaining blockchain. Six months later, he had a waiting list three

Facebook knows when your neighbor stops for coffee. They know which gym she quit. They know she’s been googling “best pizza near me” every Friday for three months. That’s 2.9 billion people’s daily habits, mapped and monetized. And most local businesses are too busy boosting random posts to notice they’re sitting on a goldmine. I

I woke up at 2:47 AM to 47 missed calls and a text that just said “CHECK FACEBOOK NOW.” One of my clients, a local bakery in the suburbs, had posted what they thought was a cute joke about gluten-free customers. Within hours, the neighborhood Facebook groups were on fire. Local influencers were calling for

Social media is treated by most local businesses like a digital yard sign. Post hours. Share stock photos. Beg for reviews. Then wonder why their engagement looks like a cardiac arrest. What you are forgetting is that you’re competing with Susan’s cat videos and Mike’s conspiracy theories about the new traffic light timing. You’re not

I spend $47 a month on coffee shop WiFi just to eavesdrop on local business owners. Not in a creepy way. In a “holy moly these people have no idea what’s happening online” way. Yesterday I heard a bakery owner bragging about their 5,000 Instagram followers while her actual customers were roasting her stale croissants

Your neighbor’s teenage just roasted your business on TikTok. 847 views in three hours. The comments section looks like a support group for everyone who’s ever been wronged by a local business, and boy, they’re out for blood. Someone’s already started a Facebook group called “Businesses That Suck in [Your Town]” and guess who’s the

There’s a Domino’s 0.7 miles from my house. There’s another one 2.3 miles away. Guess which one shows up in my Facebook ads? The far one. Every. Darn. Time. This is a billion-dollar company with armies of data scientists, and they can’t figure out that I’m not driving past one pizza place to get to

Twitter local hashtags are sitting there like a pile of money nobody wants to pick up. While everyone’s burning cash on Facebook ads that convert like crazy, there’s an entire ecosystem of local conversations happening for free. Right now. In your city. And you’re not there because some marketing guru told you Twitter was dead.

Every business in my neighborhood posts pretty Instagram photos that nobody sees. Same coffee shots. Same storefront pics. Same “we’re open!” captions. And they wonder why their Instagram doesn’t bring in customers. The problem isn’t your photos. It’s that you’re invisible to the exact people walking past your door. Instagram has this ridiculously simple feature